Why do we not give time and respect to our elderly?

Last week I witnessed my elderly mum receive totally inappropriate customer service from a leading bank.  This got me thinking about our attitude to elderly people.  After all an elderly person is someone’s much loved parent or grandparent and we may all get to that age one day if the life cards we were dealt are kind.    

Succinctly, mum was closing one bank account and opening a new account with a different provider. The bank assistant (certainly under 30 years of age), who clearly knew the banks IT system inside out, proceeded to whizz through the screens without stopping to check mum could read the screen display let alone take in the contents of the page.  She talked very quickly, too quickly for mum to understand and mum struggled to grasp all of the information she was being asked to process and take in.  When I requested the bank assistant repeat what she had said and talk more slowly her speech slowed very marginally and began to shout.  My mother is not deaf just a little slower on the uptake these days!  On being asked to repeat information the bank assistant became impatient and was clearly agitated by being asked to repeat her script.  A lot of paperwork, in small print, was generated.  Mum struggles to read the font size and to digest all of the information on the page in the time she was given.  Needless to say all of the paperwork was passed to me to check.  What if I had not accompanied mum?  During the whole appointment, which lasted around 30 minutes, the bank assistant never once asked mum if she had any questions of if she would like to have anything repeated.  When I asked questions of clarification on mums behalf I was made to feel I was being a nuisance, intentional or not!

In dealing with my mum the bank assistant lacked empathy, understanding and consideration, showing a total inability to communicate effectively with mum in an appropriate manner and she remained oblivious to the fact that the interaction was for the most part a one way conversation with little or no input from my mum.  Should this fact not have given the bank assistant a clue that her communication style was not suitable nor indeed appropriate?  The experience was not a good one with the appointment very rushed.  The bank assistant rushed through the process seemingly in a great hurry to have it concluded.  A run of the mill appointment to her was not so to my mum, for whom changing banks after 30+ years was a big deal. Mum was left feeling foolish, inadequate and not a little upset by the experience. 

Why do the young treat the elderly with such a lack of respect?

The World Health Organisation estimates that globally, for the first time in history, the number of people aged 65 and over will, by 2050, outnumber children aged five and under.  According to Age UK, there are nearly 14.7 million over-60s, almost 23% of the population, in the UK.

Senior citizens now make up such a large part of the population and increasingly so, surely organisations customer service training programmes needs to instruct staff how to better deal with the elderly.  The key in this is empathetic treatment allowing more time and checking understanding.  Staff need to be insightful, taking the time to understand the needs and requirements of their elderly customers being more sensitive to their needs. Our elderly deserve to be better treated, staff dealing with the elderly should be encouraged to go the extra mile and to ensure a mutually good experience is the outcome of the meeting / transaction.   

Given our spend consumer society and the much mentioned 'grey purchasing power,’' I am surprised many organisations still appear to give so little thought to not only satisfying but exceeding the expectations of their elderly customers, or potential elderly customers.  Elderly customers have unique needs.  Age UK reports over-65s in the UK spend £2.2billion a week on goods and services.  My mums experience tells me they are not getting proper service.

I am reminded of a very moving and powerful poem about old age which it strikes me could be a useful aide memoir to all staff in organisations who deal with the elderly in our community and not just elderly care.

See Me

What do you see, nurses, what do you see?
Are you thinking, when you look at me –
A crabby old woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of habit, with far-away eyes,
Who dribbles her food and makes no reply,
When you say in a loud voice — “I do wish you’d try.”
Who seems not to notice the things that you do,
And forever is losing a stocking or shoe,
Who unresisting or not, lets you do as you will,
With bathing and feeding, the long day to fill.
Is that what you’re thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your eyes, nurse, you’re looking at ME…
I’ll tell you who I am, as I sit here so still;
As I rise at your bidding, as I eat at your will.
I’m a small child of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and sisters, who love one another,
A young girl of sixteen with wings on her feet.
Dreaming that soon now a lover she’ll meet;
A bride soon at twenty — my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the vows that I promised to keep;
At twenty-five now I have young of my own,
Who need me to build a secure, happy home;
A woman of thirty, my young now grow fast,
Bound to each other with ties that should last;
At forty, my young sons have grown and are gone,
But my man’s beside me to see I don’t mourn;
At fifty once more babies play ’round my knee,
Again we know children, my loved one and me.
Dark days are upon me, my husband is dead,
I look at the future, I shudder with dread,
For my young are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of the years and the love that I’ve known;
I’m an old woman now and nature is cruel –
‘Tis her jest to make old age look like a fool.
The body is crumbled, grace and vigor depart,
There is now a stone where once I had a heart,
But inside this old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again my battered heart swells.
I remember the joys, I remember the pain,
And I’m loving and living life over again,
I think of the years, all too few — gone too fast,
And accept the stark fact that nothing can last –
So I open your eyes, nurses, open and see,
Not a crabby old woman, look closer, nurses — see ME!
This poem was found among the possessions of an elderly lady who died in the geriatric ward of a hospital. No information is available concerning her — who she was or when she died. Reprinted from the “Assessment and Alternatives Help Guide” prepared by the Colorado Foundation for Medical Care.